Talking too much?!?

Recently a female friend of mine asked a question regarding a new guy she had been seeing for a cool minute. She wanted to know what to do to make it progress further. Her dilemma was that she really wanted to get serious but, she felt that they as a couple didn't really talk and that they rarely went anywhere. She wanted to know why. I asked her had she communicated to him how she was feeling. She stated yes she had done this a few weeks ago but he told her that it wasn't he that talked too little. He stated that it was she that talked way too much. Presently, his behavior hasn't changed or else she would not have got in contact with me. To make matters worse this dude doesn't buy her anything and isn't thoughtful or romantic. They don't sound like much of a couple to me. But that's just my opinion.

Well the answer to her problem would be plainly obvious to most people but I digress. I hate to quote Sex In The City but if a man does not ask you anything about yourself or take you anywhere then he's just not that into you. I had to explain to her that this man is just using her body to masturbate and he probably doesn't consider her his woman. She argued and stated that they spend quality time together and that they have nice quiet meals and phenomenal sex. I countered and stated that the only reason why they had quiet meals is because the dude doesn't really have anything to say to her. My theory on this (and this is just my theory mind you) is that when a man does not ask you anything about yourself it is because he does not want to turn you into a real person in his mind. (Some of you are scratching your head. Hunh!!! ) Ok. This man may be at her home and in her bed but, she is no more real to him than the Great Pumpkin or Santa Claus. He never asks her anything about herself because the more information he has, the more real to him she will become.

Once this happens he will be forced to deal with her like a real person. The illusion will be broken. You see it's easier for people to hurt others when the other person is not real to them. That person is are turned into an object that holds no real value to them. Once a person knows about your hopes, dreams, turn ons, turn offs, your past pains, transgression and other intimate details then they are less likely to do emotional harm to you if they care for you. If they know nothing about you then you are just a blank slate and they can continue to write thier own story about who you are or aren't and use you while caring nothing about you. It is kinda of like how a kidnapper does not talk to the person he kidnaps. They can't afford to have intimate knowledge of the person they are doing harm to because it turns them into a real person not worthy of harmful treatment.

Women tend to try and feel a man out by talking, more than a man would (we men are just crazy that way) because women are nurturing the relationship and want it to grow and men in the beginning of the relationship just want see where it will go. Women genuinely want to know what is on thier man's mind. Well ladies, you already know what's on most men's minds (SEX, SPORTS, SEX, SANDWICHES, SEX, SLEEPING,SEX and... oh yeah SEX). But seriously.... it can't possibly be easy on any woman trying to figure out a man that only opens his mouth to, chug a beer, eat some food, and to belch or yawn. The rewards are numerous for men if they would just pay more attention to our women. Most men may think that women talk too much. It is not that the woman is talking too much it is because as her man you are not participating in the conversations that she feels are important to move your relationship forward to fruition. She may even be willing to talk less and act more in the ways that you want her to if she feels appreciated and that the relationship is going places. Because contrary to popular belief most women don't talk too much. It's us as men that aren't talking enough to nurture our relationships and gain profound understanding of the women that share our lives and not just our beds. Women just want that feeling of security and appreciation. They want to get to know thier men better to strengthen thier relationships and progress towards a future together. And once they feel that they have that, then there's really nothing else left to say.

S.L.