DISCLAIMER
This is not happening in my life right now.
!!!!THIS BLOG IS A REPOST FROM MY OLD SITE!!!
Maybe I just don't have the mental stamina for relationships. I question myself at times. I know this is not true but that was how I was feeling when I was compiling this blog. I was feeling sorry for myself. Well people can't help who they fall in love with or for how long. People get together on a daily basis eventhough they are not really compatible. Sometimes two really great people get together and they have chemistry but then something happens. A metamorphosis of some kind. One of the two people begans to evolve into the person they want to become and thier dreams are way different from the dreams that they shared when they first got together as a couple. Or sometimes in some cases they are not honest with themselves or the one they are with and keep those dreams to themselves because they are really digging that person they are with and thier dreams may not fit into the scheme of things. What happens with your goals, ambitions and dreams then?
So what do you do?!? Do you move on to someone else who is more like who you are now, or do you hold onto that person you are with because you love them and they were good for you at that time. I am not a trained psychologist but I have been passing out instruction like the government once passed out cheese. People have come to rely on me as a quasiclinical (sic) source for step by step instructions to get themselves or thier relationships correct and my advice was hard for them to swallow.
I am guilty of passing out this information and on rare occasions have passed it out without thinking how it will affect that person because I gave the advice from a personal standpoint. Now I take the time to think things through before I engage my tongue. I say all of this to say that eventhough I have passed out this information and instructions I am now in need of my own, and the pill has been so hard to swallow. ???????? I lost a few of you back in the last row and thats ok. I will clarify. I chose to let a relationship go because my dreams that I had did not coincide with the person that I was with. The nature of my dreams were not debatable. I have to follow them and with mourning in my heart I had to make that relationship a casualty.
Well some of you out there will probably look on me with disdain and that's ok. I really understand how you feel. But, when I look back on it, I was not happy. Sure I had moments of happiness but I was not happy inside. This nature of being unhappy was beginning to manifest itself in other ways that was harmful to the woman that I was with. I began to change and become a shell of the man that I know that I am. That unhappiness caused me to not bring my A game to the relationship and be neglectful. Now this was not fair to her. I discussed it with her time and time again but it is in a woman's nature to think that they can fix anything given enough time.
Now granted I loved this woman tremendously but in the pursuit of my dreams, I had to take a stance and love me more. Selfish it may be but the damage had been done. In hindsight it would have been more selfish to stay with her. I've been told that in relationships you are suppose to love that person more than you love yourself. When you think about it, if you don't love yourself first, are you truly incapable of loving others with the intensity they deserve. I say all of this to point out that when you don't pursue your dreams, your happiness meter will take a serious plunge. Negative things such as weight loss, headaches and a compromised immune system along with other physical ailments may surface because you are not healthy on the inside. You have to take care of you and that includes feeding that imagination and chasing what you desire the most. Your dreams. Because without dreams we are little more than the shells we occupy.
Just food for thought but I know some of you aren't hungry
S.L.
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