Love and....Extortion

How could you do this to me (after all I've done for you)? I can't believe you're being so selfish. This isn't like you. You're only thinking of yourself. You never think about my feelings. I really thought you were different from the other women/men I've been with. I guess I was wrong. Classic lines from those that would try to bend our wills to go along with thier wishes.

It seems as if the above statements burn a hole in your very soul when you hear them. At some point especially if you are with a person that is manipulating you these words come more often than others. Usually they surface like an enflamed pimple when the extortionist is not getting thier way. How do you deal with this type of blackmail. Is ignoring it the best solution? More often than not this is not the correct means. Your mate in this case will only turn up the heat and make you feel worse if you don't already do so. They play on your love for them. It would seem that the level of respect is not there. Your opinions or in this case your differences of opinion are not respected. The extortionist is only out for thier personal gain by getting what they want from you. But what about the person who extorts through anger that is expressed covertly through sulks and suffering? When they say nothing, what can you say or do? For most of us, the silent treatment is so damn maddening and crazy that an overt attack is often preferred. Sometimes it seems as if nothing works with this kind of extortionist, and sometimes in the end nothing does. They resort to some of the following forms of manipulation to get what they want:

Threaten to make your life a living hell if you don't do what they want.

Constantly threaten to break things off if you don't give in.

Regularly ignore or discount YOUR feelings and wants.

Tell you or imply that they will neglect, hurt themselves, or become depressed if you don't do what they want.

Use money or if you have children as a weapon against you to get their own way.

It's hard not to give into these temptaions but you have to stick to your guns. I think that you'll have the most success if you stick to non defensive communication and stay conscious of what it is you really want. That level of respect. That will be the goal. To have communication that is OPEN and really HONEST. I hope this answers those questions for you. You know who you are.

Keep an open mind but beware of what's outside.

S.L.