What Happened To The Spark ?!?!?

What Happened To The Spark?!?!?


No matter how good a man may be at writing, he can only truly write from a male’s perspective. He may have a miniscule amount of insight into the minds of women if he is observant and asks the right questions. This mild disclaimer is to let you know that I don’t claim to know the minds of women and that this is written from a man’s point of view.

In the beginning….foreplay isn’t even forethought as your fingertips caress skin that you have coveted for so long. Lips touch; tongues circle as if in dance, connecting, tasting, and repeat. Clothes lie in orphaned heaps on the floor; hastily discarded as passion consumes you. Your bodies move in rhythm, thrusting, and grinding, moaning then release. In the afterglow, you’re thinking about when you can do it again. Improving ecstasy with increased orgasms. The proverbial iron is hot and the spark is there. New love. Nothing can be more beautiful than the first few times that a new couple makes love to each other. Just the thought of being in your new love’s presence is enough to spark a thousand erections or piles of moist panties.

Flash forward 6 months or a year into the relationship and now there is so much that needs to be done before a man/your man can get a drop of your morning dew to grace his blade of grass. Most men will attest to the fact that it doesn’t take much to get us going and ready for sex as we spend a great deal of time with some form of it on our mind. It would seem that foreplay is not as important for most men as it is for women. I think this is where the confusion comes into play because we were used to the tiger that mauled us when we came in the door without a moments thought. Now the kitten before us requires warm milk, a bath, fancy feast, her hair to be brushed along with other grooming before we can get our paws licked.

What is it about the beginning ladies that’s so sensual, where just the thought of your man is enough to have you hot and ready? We men get confused when 6 months into the relationship we still think we can whip it out and you will be instantly ready like you were on day one. I wish I could say that I am more enlightened and understand but I am just as clueless as the next guy on this front. You see for me, I view my woman the same way now, as I did when we first made love. Nothing about that has changed. I am aware that she has changed as have I as a person overall. However, my desire has not changed. That excitement level is still there; at least it is for me. All I need is that nod or the high sign, or whatever and it’s on. Nowadays the nod is a thing of the past and it takes a lot more stimulation both mental and physical to get going.

I was discouraged by this at first. I thought this was something that was strictly lain in my bed (figuratively speaking). However, when I talk to other men and read articles in magazines and on the web I discovered that this is a serious issue that a lot of men face. I am not knocking foreplay at all. I think it is great and should be incorporated into all aspects of making love. My point is not that a woman needs foreplay to get her physically ready for her lover. My point is that most women, after they get comfortable with their man, usually do not give them the nod anymore. And, let’s not talk about her being aggressive and taking the initiative. After that comfort level has been reached, it seems that in most women are content in having their man make all the moves to initiate sex.

I guess what myself and most men want to know is what happens. Where does the spark go from day one to day 180 when we notice that it is not there any longer?!? Ladies how is that your need of our body is just as great as ours is for yours? What happens to make it disappear? I understand that there are determining factors that could make you change. Things like your, man is not romantic anymore, or he is abusive in one form or another, or you’ve fallen out of love for whatever reason etc, etc, and etc. What about us men who have stayed consistent? Men like me who believe that what you do to get your woman is what you do to keep her. Every time you kiss her or touch her, you do it like it is the last night before Judgement Day. I’m not the only one either. There are good men out there who are not getting the loving from their woman that they want because she no longer has that zeal for him that was there in the beginning.

I did some research online and talked to a few women on Facebook regarding this. The answers I got were very interesting. I won’t go into the whole Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars explanation because that is more played out than Hammer’s Rapping Career. I will share with you the two answers that stood out the most to me. A few of the ladies I questioned stated that it is not that the spark itself that has died. They state that the nature of their feelings have turned deeper than the act of physical love itself. They feel more fulfilled as women when the love they feel from their man makes them feel secure. They stated that this feeling of security carries them for longer periods of time than the need for basic love making. I thought about it and this sounds well and good in a perfect world. However, something made me flip the script and ponder how a woman would truly feel if her man always waited on her to make the first move to make love. I wonder what she would think if he told her that the love in his heart is carrying the fire in his loins and he doesn’t need to be inside of her as often to experience this sensation. What if he told her that he feels complete from just knowing she loves him and this slakes his lusts? I think that there would be a lot of men out there accused of cheating and left alone.

The second answer that I chose from these women had to be the most interesting to me. It really shed light on us human beings as a whole. The answer they gave was that the spark itself is not gone. It just does not shine as brightly the longer they are with their man. The relationship is not as fresh or exciting as it was in the beginning. Where at one point it was just the sight of that man that made them want him, as the relationship progressed it takes more. They crave that excitement of when the relationship was new and it was an adventure. They say that they still love their man but they want something new and exciting and that is what makes the spark for them. If he doesn’t know how to do that then they don’t know what to tell him and the cards fall where they may.

I had to say something on this last statement because men have been using this logic for years and have been persecuted for it. This especially happens when a man steps out on his woman and cheats. His logic is that he did it not because he doesn’t love his woman anymore. He did it because he wanted some excitement. A spark. Women and men are not all that different when it comes to sexual desire. We both want our lovers to want us the way they did when we first laid eyes on each other. We’d like it if initiative was taken on both behalf’s and foreplay utilized. I can’t say that I am really satisfied with the answers that I got. Some shed light into a dark hole where as others I felt just expanded the void. I guess the answers that I’m looking for will not only illuminate that void, but the spark of that knowledge will fill it as well.


S.L.